Reconnection Exercise for Couples
Have Fun and Rejuvenate Your Relationship
Most often when couples come in to see me something is very wrong in the present or has been for a very long time. When this happens the focus tends to be toward “fixing” the problems, behaviors, and actions that are a source of conflict or pain. It is easy to get into a cycle of negativity where most of what we see in our partner is a problem. It is important to recognize this pattern as well and make changes in our perception as well. Sometimes couples can begin to feel better about their relationship when they can once again see the other as a whole person not just with flaws and “bad behaviors” but with the more positive attributes as well.
Here are some different exercises and activities you can do to hopefully feel better about your relationship.
Start with your own frame of mind. Try to think of three nice, positive things about your partner for a few seconds everyday as a reminder of some of the things that you like about them. Also be sure to say a nice thing to them at least once a day such as a compliment or a statement. Of course it is also beneficial to remain respectful towards one another in your relationship with “pleases” and “thank you”.
Another more interactive exercise would be for you both to sit down and write down three things that the other person does that makes you feel loved and cared about. The important piece to this exercise is that it is focused on things that are currently happening. Share these with each other while also stating more specifically how you feel.
After that you can move towards the next exercise revisiting the things the other person used to do that made you feel special and loved. It is important to remember this is not the time for blame, criticism, or excuses, it is simply an invitation to reconnect with fun loving things for both of you!
The last I will list here is a future oriented exercise. Both of you write down five things you would like to see in the future from a “we” perspective. Some examples would be “we move to Hawaii”, “we have another child” and “we handle our finances well together”. When you are done you share your list and make a couples future list keeping, combining, or coming up with new things that both of you would like to have in your future.
There are many things couples can do to reconnect and have fun in their relationship but as usual those changes need to start with you. Both of you as individuals need to maintain a strong commitment of time and resources. It is sometimes difficult to break the habit of daily life that is often far too focused on the outside world of competition and judgments, but holding the relationship in a just as important position can be very helpful.