Affair Discovery--- 3 Beginning steps towards healing the relationship
In today’s world affairs happen with or without sexual activities. For simplicity an affair can be either sexual, or emotional in nature. Regardless of which it may be the partner that discovers the affair is most often deeply hurt, ranging from depression to rage. The first step is to acknowledge what has happened and validate the injured person’s feelings. If a decision is made to repair the relationship there are some basic steps that can help lay the foundation for affair recovery work.
- It is strongly recommended that all ties with the affair partner be severed as soon as possible with a clear understanding of no future communications or contact. This is to be done by the person having the affair. Sometimes situations are complex in the social order of a person’s life making it difficult to entirely eliminate a potential threat of interaction; all reasonable steps need to be taken to provide for future safety within the damaged relationship.
- It is also recommended that transparency be allowed as needed. This is often a personal decision for many, some want and need to look at and confirm that things appear safe, while others do not want to feel responsible for checking on the other person’s behavior. Regardless of decision transparency involves letting the affected partner have access to any and all forms of potential communication, such as cell phone, emails, computers, and all accounts that may have been used to communicate.
- Increasing availability is often helpful to many. This is one of the more challenging and difficult elements to work out logistically. Often work schedules and lifestyles do not allow for communication and contact whenever it is needed, on the other hand some technology allows at least for brief connections. It is important to come up with a mutual plan that can be performed to help during times of acute distress.
These first 3 steps may seem simplistic within themselves but each has many nuances and finer details that need to be discussed and worked through in a professional setting with a couples therapist or marriage counselor that can help guide the couple and help with questions and concerns.
Each affair and couple is unique and simply following a “cookie cutter” approach or simply following random advice of friends or family may not be the best path towards healing. Saving a relationship is not the time to hold on pride and minimize resources, it is a time to open up towards others that can help and pursue the options that may give you the best chance for recovery.
Recovery from an affair is very challenging and at times for many feels hopeless. The success of the recovery resides on both to put in the effort, learn and listen, and to commit some portion of time towards the work, where ultimately they may make the decision to continue and rebuild, or end and move on.
There are no guarantees, but there is always hope.
Contact our marriage counselor in Pleasanton for couples counseling and affair recovery therapy.